Trailers From Ed Wood Movies

As your correspondent is dealing with jet lag and a full week of fighting a losing battle with "gravel pit" throat - persistent cough - fatigue - general bleccchness (as well as the happier problem of prolonged astonishment over the 2010 Giants' World Series victory), he is yet again way, way too damn lazy to write much of anything.

That said, here are theatrical trailers plugging the entertainingly execrable "cinema on a shoestring"- invariably sans the possession of an actual shoestring - of Edward D. Wood, Jr.







Can you "top" those trailers? Er. . .uh. . . in a strong effort to at least equal them in sheer WTF value, here's Bela Lugosi, waxing poetic in Wood's Citizen Kane, the 1953 opus Glen Or Glenda, A.K.A. I Changed My Sex.



The barrage of bizarreness continues with the worst starring performance by a guy in drag - including The Milton Berle Show - from Glen Or Glenda, sometimes known as Look Back In Angora.

Congratulations 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants

The 56 year wait at long last is OVER - congratulations to the 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants!

Culminating a wonderful and improbable season, the San Francisco Giants clinched the championship by winning Game 5 against the mighty Texas Rangers (led by big bopper Josh Hamilton and pitching stalwart Cliff Lee - and managed by Ron Washington, well known in the Northern California as the Oakland A's third base coach/baseball guru for more than a decade) by a score of 3-1. 2010 World Series Most Valuable Player Edgar Renteria, previously one serious tormentor of the Giants as a member of the 1997 World Champion Florida Marlins and 2004 National League Champion St. Louis Cardinals, smacked a three-run homer to seal the deal.



The afterglow is sweet for long-suffering Bay Area fans, as three San Francisco Giants World Series appearances ended in heartbreak. They lost in 1962 to the New York Yankees (and specifically a superb, acrobatic play by second baseman Bobby Richardson to spear a screaming line drive by Hall Of Famer Willie McCovey), got swept a pitching-rich and powerful juggernaut of an Oakland A's team in the 1989 "Bay Bridge" series (quite literally delayed by the Loma Prieta earthquake) and were beaten in humiliating fashion after a 3-2 World Series lead by a combination of timely hitting by the California Angels and a painful Giants pitching meltdown.

And don't get us "orange and black" fans started on the years when the Giants enjoyed superb regular seasons only to either get eliminated during the regular season's final weekend (1982, 1993, 2001, 2004) or lose in the Round One of the playoffs (1971, 1987, 2003). Arguably the mightiest of all the Giants teams, the 1993 squad (103 wins, 59 losses), which featured a lineup led by Barry Bonds, Will Clark and Matt Williams, were edged out on Game 162 by the sole team with a better record in MLB, the 104-58 Atlanta Braves.

Without a doubt, this World Series victory is especially sweet for the many stellar players who have worn the Giants uniform.



To quote the article by John Schlegel regarding today's parade in San Francisco on MLB.COM

"The Giants are getting ready to party like it's 1958.

The parade route taken when the Giants were first welcomed to The City by the Bay will be used once again, this time when the World Series trophy is welcomed to City Hall.

The parade will conclude on the steps of City Hall, where Mayor Gavin Newsom will present the team with the key to the city.

The Giants clinched the first World Series title since the team moved to San Francisco in 1958 with a 3-1 victory over the Rangers on Monday night at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, with ace Tim Lincecum throwing eight innings and Brian Wilson -- sporting his best "Fear the Beard" facial hair -- sealing the deal in the ninth inning.

No doubt, there will be plenty of beards among the fans on the parade route -- men, women and children. Also, figure on a lot of references on signs to torture, the team's unofficial theme for the year after dozens of close games and agonizing defeats steeled their will to win into the postseason.

They'll be there by the thousands to honor the Freak and the rest of the pitching staff that took the trophy one zero at a time, to cheer Aubrey Huff and his red rally thong, to bask once more in the postseason heroics of World Series MVP Edgar Renteria, Juan Uribe and Cody Ross.

Figure on an orange river flowing through the streets of San Francisco.

The last time San Francisco hosted a sports parade of this magnitude was in 1995, when the city celebrated the fifth Super Bowl title won by the 49ers of the National Football League.

This time, an unlikely mix of homegrown talent, outcasts and misfits will be honored along a parade route in downtown San Francisco, carrying a very special item the city has waited since 1958 to bring home:

The World Series trophy."

Happy Halloween

We're big fans of Halloween cartoons at Way Too Damn Lazy To Write A Blog. Here are some good ones.

The Three Haircuts

Best Comedy Sketch Ever

"This Is Your Story", from Your Show Of Shows, featuring Sid Caesar, Carl Reiner and Howard Morris as "Uncle Goopy" (note: Mel Brooks cameo at 0:53).

Trailers From Mel Brooks Movies

I'm way too damn lazy to write at the moment, so enjoy these theatrical trailers:



















History Of The World, Pat 1

Burt Bacharach Day

Burt performs one of his greatest songs, A House Is Not A Home, with the BBC Concert Orchestra.

This Saturday: Lobotronic Film Show And Halloween Costume Contest

As Mad Magazine's William F. Gaines used to say, "the usual gang of idiots" who produce the KFJC Psychotronix Film Festival will proudly present our first extravaganza at San Leandro's historic Bal Theatre this Saturday.

As fate would have it, this ends up being a sadly appropriate choice of venue, since one of the super-fans of what we have been doing for the past two decades, our friend and colleague Irwin Swan, who resided with his late wife Colleen in San Leandro for many years, passed away last August. We miss Irwin and Colleen and dedicate this show to them.

Mr. Lobo of Cinema Insomnia hosts an evening of spooky schtick, peachy prizes, and dastardly duds while film collectors Sci-Fi Bob Ekman, Scott Moon and yours truly spin fun and freaky found films on 16mm: A.K.A. a cross-section of our checkered celluloid past - classic 1950's and 1960's commercials, trailers from bad movies, indescribably weird cartoons, actors in lizard, robot and spaceman suits, campy musical shorts and unintentionally hilarious educational films.

Special Guests include the ridiculously talented filmmaker, voice-over artist and musician (Mystic Knights Of Oingo Boingo) Ernie “Hardware Wars” Fosselius, Karen “Mrs. Grandpa Munster” Lewis and others will be on hand to judge a costume contest at 9:00 p.m.

Take the Insomniac Oath and be there for this mind blowing ALL AGES event for the Halloween Season! $10 ($9 if you come in costume).

The date: Saturday, October 16, 2010
The time: 7:30 p.m.
The place: The Bal Theatre, 14808 East 14th Street, San Leandro, CA 94578

Happy 70th Birthday, John Lennon!

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it."

"If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."



"I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong."



"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

"Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground." John Lennon



Alas, what would have been the 70th birthday of John Lennon is not that happy an occasion. His life, prolific musical career and outspoken voice were cut tragically short by a psycho exercising his right to bear arms on December 8, 1980.














John Lennon birthday celebrations are happening in many cities, towns, rotundas and living rooms around the globe today, including a rousing one in Central Park.





This writer goes for many of the songs on the last John Lennon albums. They are beautiful and romantic. His ability to turn a phrase kept evolving in unexpected ways.





John - wish you were still here in the flesh among us! Here's the Plastic Ono Band performing with guest guitarist Frank Zappa.

Congratulations, San Francisco Giants, 2010 National League Western Division Champions by Paul F. Etcheverry

This one's for the sweet swings of Baseball Hall Of Famers Willie "The Say Hey Kid" Mays, Willie "Stretch" McCovey, Orlando "The Baby Bull" Cepeda and early 1980's San Francisco Giant Joe Morgan, as well as the latter day sweet swings of Barry Bonds, Will Clark, Kevin Mitchell, Matt Williams, Jeff Kent and Ellis Burks.



For relief ace Stu Miller getting blown off the mound by the ill winds of Candlestick Point. For Steve Bedrosian and Rod Beck staring down the opponent a la Goose Gossage, and Robb Nen hitting triple digits on the radar gun. For left-handed relief aces Mike Jackson, Al Holland and Craig Lefferts.

For brilliant and unorthodox Hall Of Famers Juan Marichal and Gaylord Perry, artistes on the mound. For John Burkett, Jack Sanford, Rick Reuschel and Kirk Reuter, who could roll out of bed and pitch 6-7 quality innings like clockwork. For the devastating sinker of Bill Swift. For Dave Dravecky, who rehabbed from cancer surgery to teach a "how to pitch in the big leagues" master class at Candlestick Park.

For Robby Thompson and Jose Uribe turning those double plays, Bobby Bonds, Brett Butler and Darren Lewis patrolling the far regions of the outfield, Willie Mays and Jack Clark throwing runners out at home plate from the warning track, Kevin Mitchell catching a ball with his bare hand.




For the baseball characters: Bob Brenly, John "The Count" Montefusco, Jeffrey "The Hacman" Leonard, Don "Caveman" Robinson and many more.

Big time congratulations to the 2010 National League Western Division champions! To paraphrase a great comedian, Jackie Gleason. . . How sweet it is!

Addendum To "Thar's Music In Them Thar San Francisco Hills"

The Lee Konitz New Quartet, whose Live At The Village Vanguard CD was released earlier this year, performs in San Francisco tonight. Here's a clip of Lee - now celebrating seven decades in music and counting - co-leading a quintet in 1954 with the late, great tenor saxophonist Warne Marsh.




I neglected to mention the following events in my last posting:

Coda Live Music Supper Club, 1710 Mission Street, San Francisco

TONIGHT AT 8:00 P.M.



Classical Revolution, featuring People Revolution Quartet, Adam Theis' Banned Instruments (performing new compositions for string quartet) and Rupa Marya.

TOMORROW NIGHT AT 7:00 P.M.
Bay Area Composers Big Band featuring Erik Jekabson (trumpet) and Jeanne Geiger (trombone)


TONIGHT AND TOMORROW NIGHT
Yoshi's Jack London Square
Saxophonist Dave Liebman, who, among other things, is very familiar to jazz fans for his contributions to several particularly mighty Miles Davis and Elvin Jones bands (including the one in the following clip).

Thar's Jazz Music In Them Thar San Francisco Hills

As this blogger mulls over the passing and drama-filled showbiz story of Eddie Fisher - 1950’s pop heartthrob/TV star, father of Carrie Fisher, survivor of very public love triangle scandals, party boy and pre-Richard Burton hubby of Liz Taylor - this blog must call attention the extraordinary lineup of local jazz performances here in the San Francisco Bay Area this weekend and next month.

Although the Ken Burns Jazz documentary erroneously claimed that the music called jazz dropped off the map in the 1970’s (since jazz players were largely not recording on U.S. labels and not performing beyond a few American metropolitan areas. . . although finding semi-plentiful gigs in Europe and Japan, as well as at festivals), the San Francisco Bay Area was definitely not a parched, barren desert when it came to cool music in those days: extraordinary performances and legendary musicians were holding forth in everything from tiny clubs to symphony halls frequently back in the 1970's and 1980's.



Had the youthful version of moi had the slightest inkling that the days of "wow - Charlie Mingus is at Keystone Korner, Oscar Peterson Trio's playing the El Matador, Dizzy Gillespie's at Great American Music Hall, Ornette Coleman's at Wolfgang's and Frank Zappa's at Stanford. . . which do I choose - can't clone myself and go to ALL of them?" would end amazingly soon, I would have attended even more of these amazing nights of music and be even more stone broke in 2010!

We do have the San Francisco Jazz Festival and splendid local composers-bandleaders in residence, for which (and whom) music lovers are thankful.

Among said S.F. Bay Area luminaries: the Ray Charles-inspired Rayband Orchestra will be at Coda (frequent venue of the first-rate local players from the Jazz Mafia) tonight at 10:00 p.m with songwriter-songstress-arranger and belter supreme Karina Denike sitting in as a Raelette.





Standout musicians from the Rayband Orchestra (including Karina) are also in arranger Mike Irwin Johnson's superb hard-swinging octet 8 Legged Monster, performing this Saturday at Club Deluxe on 1509-11 Haight (near the historic corner of Haight and Ashbury).

The following mp3 is the band's most recent release and available on Amazon.



Yoshi's and Intersection For The Arts are hosting quite a few evenings of good jazz these days. Yoshi’s in Jack London Square will be presenting world-class keyboardist Geri Allen and an all-star band (Don Byron, Oliver Lake, Dwayne Dolphin, Jeff "Tain" Watts) in a Tribute To Eric Dolphy this weekend, then shall follow that up with an appearance at San Francisco Yoshi's by ageless alto saxophonist Lee Konitz on Tuesday night, with Anthony Brown's Asian American Orchestra on Wednesday and a group co-led by John Popper, Rob Wassermann, DJ Logic and the Jazz Mafia All-Stars next Thursday. The Intersection's Jazz At The DeYoung series at the Koret Auditorium spotlights local composers (bassist Lisa Mezzacappa's Bait And Switch band, Beth Custer And Clarinet Thing and the aforementioned percussionist-arranger Anthony Brown) throughout the month of October.

And, speaking of that cloning business, I personally am trying to figure out how to clone myself while imbibing deeply from the "Fountain Of Youth", thus enabling attendance of both the Niles Essanay Silent Film Museum's screening of Charlie Chaplin rarities this evening and the Ray Charles Tribute tonight - and that, dear readers, is among the few happy problems in life.

Mike Patton And The Metropole Orchestra, 2008

To describe Mike Patton as an original and versatile vocalist who thrives on tackling different musical genres (not to mention difficult songs and arrangements to learn) would be quite the understatement; the Metropole Orchestra is more than up to the task of providing superlative accompaniment.

I won't be posting the rest of this concert (there are sixteen YouTube clips), but would certainly enjoy a DVD of the complete performance.

Burt Bacharach Day

Happy Birthday, Mel Tormé

Born on September 13 in the year of 1925 (which also brought the world June Christy, Johnny Carson, Dick Van Dyke and Sammy Davis, Jr.), the consummate entertainer and jazz singer (as well as the songwriter of "The Christmas Song"), Mel Tormé.

After his first published song, "Lament to Love," became a hit recording for Harry James, Mel played drums in the early 1940's touring band of comedian/musician Chico Marx and joined forces with a vocal quintet of Los Angeles City College students as their lead vocalist and principal arranger. Dubbed The Mel-Tones, the vocal quintet was hired by Musicraft Records to make cutting-edge swing recordings with jazz clarinet icon Artie Shaw to counter Frank Sinatra's popular Columbia recordings with The Axel Stordahl Orchestra.



In late 1946, Mel struck out on his own as a solo artist, and in 1949, had his first number one hit, 'Careless Love'. He soon began making a series of recordings - some of his own original material (County Fair, etc.) - with the Page Cavanaugh Trio. Here's one of his early solo appearances.



Mel continued performing amazing music in the 50's, and in particular did stellar work in a series of recordings with The Marty Paich Orchestra (a veritable Who's Who of West Coast jazz at the time), many on the Verve label.

He hosted his own show in 1951-1952 and made numerous television appearances. Among them: scatting with Ella Fitzgerald; singing Bobby Timmons; "Dat Dere" on Ralph Gleason's Jazz Casual show.





Like Sammy Davis, Jr., Mel did more than just a little bit of acting on the side; , after getting his start with parts on such radio serials as Jack Armstrong: All-American Boy and The Romance Of Helen Trent, his role in the 1943 musical Higher And Higher (which also was Frank Sinatra's screen debut), would be the first of over 30 appearances in films and television. Particularly notable was his vivid performance in Rod Serling's Emmy-winning episode of Playhouse 90, The Comedian portraying the sad sack "whipping boy" brother of an abusive monster of a TV star, Sammy Hogarth, played with tremendous relish by the post-noir Mickey Rooney

Mel could also play the drums, and sometimes got behind the kit in his own performances, as well as during such "drum battles" as this one with Buddy Rich, Gene Krupa and Lionel Hampton.



He wrote five books, three in the last nine years of his life, including a biography of his pal Buddy Rich, who he performed with on a number of occasions, including this scat-fest on The Merv Griffin Show:



The book I have wanted to read very much was Mel's first hard account of his (without a doubt) never-a-dull-moment stint as music director on Judy Garland's TV show.



If anything, Mel's swingin' music just got better and better with the decades. From 1982 onwards, he recorded prolifically with Concord Records, including four albums with pianist George Shearing.

Some of my favorite performances he ever did were from his long partnership with Shearing. They sounded great together; each gave each other plenty of room to be creative, while backing off and letting the other shine when necessary. And here's plenty of proof:







Swing on! Thanks for the memories, Mel.

And This Blog Loves Visionary Composer Raymond Scott: Happy 102nd, Ray!

The 20th Century was graced by many musical innovators, and among the most fascinating of them was Raymond Scott. While I am way too damn lazy to write a blog, and thus, two years late to celebrate Scott's centenary, today's entry toasts his lengthy, restlessly creative, varied and one-of-a-kind career as composer, bandleader, arranger, orchestra conductor and inventor of such electronic instruments as the Electronium.

The striking original compositions performed by his 1930's ensemble, The Raymond Scott Quintette, were eventually licensed by Warner Brothers for use in their cartoons.


The Raymond Scott Quintette

Stamped in the collective consciousness via the six minute masterpieces directed by Tex Avery, Bob Clampett, Frank Tashlin, Chuck Jones, Robert McKimson and Art Davis (among other animation luminaries), these amazing songs are available on the Restless Nights And Turkish Twilights and Microphone Music CDs.



Raymond Scott's contributions to Carl Stalling's inspired soundtracks for Looney Tunes And Merrie Melodies were just one accomplishment from a career spanning four decades.



There's a documentary, Deconstructing Dad: The Music, Machines And Mystery Of Raymond Scott, produced by his son, Stan Warnow, that I'd love to see on the big screen and own a DVD copy of. Here is the official website and the trailer.



For additional sources of information about Raymond Scott's life and career:

• Raymond Scott Archives


• Raymond Scott Blog


• Raymond Scott - Official Website


• The Raymond Scott Collection at Marr Sound Archives


• Stu Brown's Raymond Scott Project

We close with "Lightworks" from the Manhattan Research, Inc. album, with Dorothy Collins on vocals and Raymond playing electronic instruments he designed, and the electronic music composition, "Little Miss Echo" (which makes me wonder if Brian Eno and Pere Ubu's Allen Ravenstine were fans of Scott's early synth work).

Grant Green-Barney Kessel-Kenny Burrell

Album Covers For Hammond B-3 And Gibson Guitar Fetishists

Most of the following stellar soul jazz and hard bop luminaries made very few television appearances (that early death problem), so there just isn't much video around to post, with the exception of just a smidgen of brief clips involving Larry Young's performances as a backing player in some killer early 70's rock-jazz fusion bands (Tony Williams Lifetime, McLaughlin-Santana, etc.)











And yes, I promise to switch to another topic after today's entry.

It's Official: Psychotronic Paul Is An Unrepentant Hammond B-3 Geek

No Stupid Jokes About Organs On This Blog!

Please do not compare me to that infernal hologram from the classic Red Dwarf TV show (the ever-loathesome Arnold J. Rimmer, portrayed with panache by Chris Barrie) when I make the following admission: I really, really like the sound of organs, not just as rousing accompaniment for swashbuckling silent movies, but as good stuff to listen to (any ham-handed butchers I have winced through at ballparks and skating rinks notwithstanding).

That sound got me, even as a very young person (a pre-zygote at the time). I sought out the music of bands that featured the Hammond B-3 - The Zombies, Booker T And The MGs, The Spencer Davis Group, Traffic, Procul Harum, Sly And The Family Stone and especially The Young Rascals.





Later, as an obsessed jazz fan, I watched gaping-mouthed as Alice Coltrane conjured otherworldly orchestral soundscapes, impressionistic reveries, hymn-like chants and serpentine soprano sax-like lines out of a mighty custom-made organ.

The greatest ever to play the Hammond B-3? Arguably, the fabulous Larry Young (1940-1978). What he does here on his 1965 Blue Note Records album Unity - pouring out cascades of single-note runs with fast moving chords and nimble bass lines simultaneously - is nothing short of astounding.





I have been marveling of late at the Hammond B-3 centric soul jazz masterpieces of Jimmy Smith, Baby Face Willette and Big John Patton (many with guitar genius Grant Green on hand to stoke the fires even further). The groove can't be beat.


Is there anyone around today who can rip up and down the keyboard while tapping out ridiculously propulsive swinging bass lines with unstoppable happy feet? You can't overlook Rhoda Scott, who has been doing just that in playing the living daylights of the B-3 for decades.



In addition, Dr. Lonnie Smith, Joey De Francesco and Wil Blades can more than hold their own with the mighty B-3.

We close with Barbara Dennerlein, another goddess of the B-3. Swing it, Barbara!

Psychotronically Yours by Robert Emmett

The KFJC Psychotronix Film Festival returns to Foothill College this Saturday.



When: Saturday, August 28 7:00pm to 11:00pm (come early for best seats)

Where: Room 5015 on the Foothill College Campus

What: 16mm films (the vinyl of visuals), formerly unwanted and unloved, now presented for your entertainment

Cost: $5 Donation for KFJC and $2 for parking on campus



Why: Summer 2010 not-busters like Clash Of The Titans and The Last Airbender have kept us out of the theatres. Sex And The City 2 didn't have enough of either and most 3-D movies have been dull, deadly duds.




Though rumors of the coming of the next Edward D. Wood, Jr. notwithstanding, none of us has been able to adequately assess the relative merits of Birdemic. Where does one turn, at this point between ennui and activity that always marks the period between Summer's end and Fall?




Don't distress or stay depressed! We are squeezing in an extra Psychotronix this year, as we usually only have one in December and another in Spring.



There has been a deluge of new-to-us ancient commercials, forgotten cartoons, bizarre movie trailers and antique music performances. Our overstocked archive is bursting at the seams with new material that demands another show, to show-off some of the coolest odd-ball films you are likely to see.



But it's not just about films - fabulous door prizes will be given away, like Star Trek - The Wrath Of Kahn figurines, "drinking monkey" shot glasses, a Psychoanalyst comic book and delightful DVDs like I Bury The Living, Hercules In New York, Jesse James Vs. Frankenstein's Daughter and many more films that will never make the AFI "Best Of" list.




Foothill remodeled Room 5015, so we have to say "NO Food" at this time. Also, there aren't any vending machines close by. So, come hungry for films and fun, not hungry.

The good thing about the remodel is the new chairs in 5015 are wider and comfortable - no more broken springs. Unfortunately, to get wider, we lost a couple of seats overall, so please come early.







Let's finish the Summer of 2010 the right way - Psychotronically (as if that is really a word).

Bring your friends and have a blast!



Be seeing you!

(on Saturday)

Robert Emmett, The Norman Bates Memorial Soundtrack Show, KFJC-FM

Shameless Self-Promotion

Burt Bacharach Day

While partial to anything Rat Pack-related, I've never seen this 1971 sendup of westerns, complete with Bacharach theme song.

Dean Martin stars alongside a stellar supporting cast, including Brian Keith, Ben Johnson, Honor Blackman, Albert Salmi - and especially the crappy little dog we see here at 0:08.



Looks like campy fun, and if this features anything other than Dino consuming mixed drinks with showgirls at the Cal-Neva Corral, I'd be very disappointed.

Since Mel Brooks soon ended up featuring a gag in which Count Basie And His Orchestra perform in the middle of the prairie (in Blazing Saddles), it's a good bet that we don't see Burt Bacharach whooping it up on the ivories at the Lone Star Saloon in this film. . . but I could be wrong.

And This Blog Loves Lillian Roth

Some go for Garbo. Some dig the blonde bombshells - Thelma Todd, Jean Harlow, Joan Blondell and Carole Lombard - or the gal who spoofed the sirens, the hilarious Lyda Roberti. For 1920's fellas, the babe most from Babe-A-Lon was the "It Girl", Clara Bow. . . or, in Paree, Josephine Baker. Some dyed-in-the-wool film buffs give Janet Gaynor and Margaret Sullavan, notable for amazing performances in the classic movies of uber-romantic visionary Frank Borzage, a serious nod in the incandescent department.

If the preference is "rough and tough", Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck and Bette Davis, at least onscreen, provoked men to pretty much make complete asses out of themselves. And both men and women go West over Mae, Lola-Lola over Marlene Dietrich, and - even more so in the 21st century - positively Lulu over Lulu, A.K.A. the radiant Louise Brooks (A.K.A. Brooksie), silent screen actress, dancer, author and provocateur.


Alas, for this blogger, the bomb, lo these eight decades later, remains the fabulous Lillian Roth.



Here she is, in all her glory, in Take A Chance and Story Conference, so beloved here at Way Too Damn Lazy To Write A Blog that it's getting a second run (this time in its entirety).

Dear Psychotronic Paul

During a busy morning putting off accomplishing anything on the dreaded to-do list for as long as humanly possible, I perused my e-mails and found a request for relationship advice.

Although the mere thought of my offering helpful hints for the lovelorn - frankly, only an utter inability to bounce back quickly after getting dumped (and then resume the very Pepe LePew antics which earned the rejection in the first place) prevented me from enduring more matrimonial train wrecks and subsequent divorces than Zsa Zsa Gabor - provokes quite a laugh, here goes:

If you find yourself thinking about how much you want that special someone to:

• communicate in a forthcoming, open way



• be accountable for behavior, admit wrongdoing and apologize



• resolve conflicts together, not just unilaterally dictate terms



• acknowledge when communication problems arise and work together on tackling them head-on



• at least be present (emotionally, intellectually, spiritually as well as physically) some of the time



• treat you with respect and consideration



• be happy with you by his/her side - and not want to date others



• stop doing and saying things that seem calculated to drive one away



• consider you at least 1/17 as attractive as the poor love-starved bastard played by Emil Jannings found Marlene Deitrich's Lola-Lola in The Blue Angel

And NONE of the aforementioned things has been happening. . .

Stick a fork in it, it's DONE. End it, run, don't weaken - and don't go back.

Then grieve, rage, curse, run, go to the gym (take out your anger on inanimate objects or exorcise aggressions on exercise machines if need be), take as long as needed to heal and get on with your life.