The Next Philosopher Guru by Paul F. Etcheverry

Found scribbled on lined stationery in the back of a cab in Trenton, New Jersey, the wise words of Al Confucius Johnson, philosopher, beer drinker.

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, make a sandwich."

"I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge. I am one who is in possession of a 1971 Archie, Jughead and Veronica comic."

"Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night involving more than six tall boys of Mickey's Big Mouth."

"I hear and I forget. I see and I forget. I do and I forget. I go to the bathroom and I forget. I forget and I forget."

"If you find your place in the world, make sure there's a bathroom nearby."

"Respect yourself and others will still tell you to commit physically impossible sexual acts."

"He who exercises government by means of his virtue will not get any campaign contributions."

"He who wears his heart on his sleeve will end up with bloody shirt-sleeves and some explaining to do at the dry cleaners."

"He who feels connected to all beings must always remember to wear pants."